Sae ah ran intae some trauble th' ither day at th' distillery. Th' motor that runs th' stirring device ben yin o' th' mash tuns broke. This means th' mash isn’t bein' stirred whilk means it's nae getting th' proper oxygen it needs. Ah called up Doug, wha does maist o' th' mechanical wirk around th' distillery; ah sure as hell can’t be bothered wi' that crap. He cam in 'n' wis able tae fix it in a few hours. Bit during that time ah hud tae hulp th' guys keep stirring th' mash. We teuk turns, bit it aye wis ferr th' hard hing. Ah huv a better appreciation fur th' ol’ timers that did th' hail process by hand!

Here’s a picture o' th' mash tun, sae ye ken fur reference whit thay keek lik' 'n' th' great amount o' mash we hud tae try 'n' stir by hand.

Ah tellt ye al' earlier ah wid gang intae brief detail oan th' process o' making whiskey. Ah huv some free time richt noo sae ah figure I’ll be a guid Scot 'n' keep mah promise. Ah mak' a malt whiskey at mah distillery whilk is compromised really o' juist twa ingredients, water 'n' barley. Th' barley is pat intae water 'til th' seeds germinate or sprout. Wance this happens, thay ur spread oot oan th` malt hoose floor 'n' flipped using a lairge wooden paddle each day. Th' starch in th' barley turns tae sugar, 'n' Wance it seems lik' th' richt time (don’t ask me how we know, we juist do) we pat it in an oven or kiln tae dry it oot. In order tae git that peaty, smoky taste, we burn peat 'n' blaw th' smoke ower th' barely. Wance it's completely dry we grind it up intae grist 'n' combine it wi' water. This is called “mash”. This mash is then stirred in a mash tun 'n' th' resulting liquid is drained aff. This liquid then haes yeast added tae it in washbacks. Frae thare, th' fermentation process starts. Efter a couple days th' substance essentially looks 'n' tastes lik' beer. This wash mixture is then pat intae pot stills, huge copper pots that heat th' liquid tae a very haot temperature. Th' shape o' th' necks o' thae pot stills ultimately haes an influence oan th' taste o' th' final product.

Conventionally thare ur twa or three different pot stills that huv a wee, medium, 'n' high spirit wine. Ultimately, we try 'n' pull th' medium oot 'n' uise this fur oor whiskey. Thare is na tasting dane during this process, th' whiskey is ainlie tested in a “spirit safe” whilk is sealed by HM Excise 'n' Customs. Frae this medium pot aye, th' whiskey is drained intae oak barrels tae stairt th' maturation process. We huv three, five, 13, 'n' 25 aged whiskeys. A' o' which ur smooth ‘n’ tasty! This is o' coorse, a short 'n' simplified explanation bit it does gie ye a decent idea o' th' whiskey distilling process.

We stumbled oot o' Rob’s apartment 'n' stairted doon th' street towards th' pub, creating a ruckus th' hail wey thare. Wance we wur ootdoors, Murph 'n' Eric finished thair butts 'n' we clamored intae th' pub. Th' dimly lit place seemed lik' a hame awa' frae hame fur us. We’ve bin comin' 'ere fur ferr some time 'n' maist o' th' regulars knew us by name, alang wi' Murph’s cousin, wha wis th' owner.

We a' grabbed a pint 'n' a shot o' whiskey, slammed th' shots, 'n' waint ower tae oor usual table tae drink oor pints. Efter a few mair rounds o' this we wur a' spread aboot th' bar. Murph 'n' Rob wur ower by th' snooker table playing a gam, 'n' Eric 'n' ah wur tossing darts. Ah wis kicking his ass. He stairted tae git pissed at th' absolute thrashin’ ah wis giving him 'n' stairted giving me shit fur al' kinds o' stuff. Weel, efter a couple mair drinks ah wis guid 'n' knackered up. Ye cuid likelie jalouse whit happened neist or mibbe naw. Ah stairted getting fed up wi' his crap 'n' frae thare th' liquor teuk ower. Ah tossed a few choice words aboot his mom his wey, he tossed a few back aboot mah freish lady friend, 'n' frae thare it escalated intae a all oot blown wrestling match around th' bar. Afore a'body cuid stop us, we barreled intae a few tables 'n' bar stools, knocking thaim ower, alang wi' pint glasses 'n' bottles, a' o' thaim smashing around us. Th' skirmish encouraged Murph 'n' Rob tae come see whit wis gaun oan, thay stairted laughing thair asses aff at us 'til we barreled intae Murph wha's pint gaed a' ower him. He didn’t tak' a liking tae that 'n' th' neist thing ye ken he wis trying tae tak' baith o' us oan. Frae thare, it gaed further downhill 'n' turned intae an a' oot brawl atween al' o' us.

Efter ah git thrown oan th' ground, ah stood back up near th' bar. Murph 'n' Eric wur aye gaun at it 'n' Eric git th' upper haun 'n' shoved Murph back intae me. Ah flung mah arm back tae grab th' bar tae bade up 'n' in that motion smacked a pint gless sae hard it flew o'er th' bar 'n' smashed intae th' gless tap shelf o' th' bar. Th' shelf smashed, alang wi' th' bar mirror behind it, 'n' wi' th' shelf, doon cam th' expensive whiskey bottles. Shyte. That made us stop, that 'n' Murph’s cousin holding th' wooden club he keeps behind th' bar fur instances lik' this. Whin a' wis said 'n' dane we owed a hefty bar tab, alang wi' paying fur th' shelf, mirror, 'n' bottles o' whiskey. We weren’t allowed back fur awhile haha. Murph’s cousin said he’d beat th' shyte oot o' us if we cam within ten feet o' th' pub.

Sin ah git some free time oan mah hauns, ah figured I’d tell ye a' aboot th' time mah mukkers 'n' ah ran up a $300 quid tab 'n' $500 in damages at oor local pub, Murph’s. It a' stairted yin Friday nicht efter ah left th' distillery. Rob called me up 'n' tellt me tae come ower tae his place fur a few brews. Whin ah git thare thae goons hud awready stairted drinkin wi'oot me 'n' wur bonny far alang intae th' case o' McEwans. Ah grabbed a boattle oot o' th' fridge 'n' gaed 'n' sat doon wi' thaim in th' living room. Th' telly. Wis oan 'n' 'twas replaying an auld footy match atween Dunfermline Athletic FC. 'n' Ayr United. Na yin wis really paying attention tae it. A' 'twas daein' wis providing background noise.

Within hauf an oor o' me bein' thare we hud awready finished th' case 'n' moved onto whiskeys wi' ice. By this time we wur getting bonny rowdy. We wur a' standing up yelling at ilk ither 'n' haein a grand ol time. We wur giving Murph shit fur th' baird he brought hame th' ither nicht, whew; she wis quite th' non-looker haha. He stairted tae tak' some offense tae th' jeers 'n' eventually shoved mah pal Eric o'er th' room! Wance Eric git up they stairted gaun at it, 'n' we let it go’ oan’ fur a few minutes, laughing oor asses aff th' hail time afore separating th' twa. Efter we a' teuk a couple mair drinks 'n' laughed it a' aff. This shuid huv bin th' foremaist sign nae tae go doon tae th' pub….

Sae th' lest few weeks ah huv bin pretty busy 'n' haven’t bin able tae keep up wi' th' blogging, sorry mukkers. Bit ah git huge News! A few weeks ago the snowboaidin company Analog call’d 'n' said that thay wantae sponsor me! Ah wis fuckin psyched whin thay tellt me that. Ah hud mah buddy Rob pat th'gither some o' th' footage we hud frae different practice stuff 'n' some ither highlights frae ower th' lest couple years. Ah sent it tae thaim a few months ago 'n' thay finally git back tae me. Thay said thay ur sponsoring an event in British Colombia in th' Fall 'n' thay waant me tae fly ower thare 'n' hurl fur thaim. Bloody awesome, eh?

Ah huv also bin spending some time wi' a freish lady bird o' mine. Her name’s Cara 'n' ah met her twa weeks ago in Glasgow. She’s a student thare, graduating this June. She is ferr th' looker, bit mair importantly (I swear haha), she’s an awesome person. We’ve bin meetin up 'n' goin out in Edinburgh wi' mah mukkers 'n' thay a' seem tae approve o' her. She likes thaim tae. She is graduating wi' a gree in Environmental Science, whilk is cool. Mibbie if hings wirk oot she kin hulp me mak' mah distillery mair environmentally friendly. Whit a responsible young Scot a'm! mah faither wid be proud.